Valentine's Day – bring the wine, nix the goat thong
February 10th, 2012
11:15 AM ET
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Ray Isle (@islewine on Twitter) is Food & Wine's executive wine editor. We trust his every cork pop and decant – and the man can sniff out a bargain to boot. Take it away, Ray.

Ah, Valentine’s Day. If everything goes right, then you have a happy romantic night out with your loved one, and wake the following morning to songbirds chirping, the sun caressing you with buttery light, a suffusion of love in your heart, and no hangover at all. If things go wrong, then you get a night full of misery, anger, disappointment, shame, betrayal, and tears, but what did you expect? That's what dating is all about.

Here’s the deal, though: It didn’t have to be this way. I blame Pope Gelasius I. Back in 496, in a frenzy of popely goody-two-shoes-ness, Gelasius banned the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, when noble youths would run through the city naked, striking people they met with shaggy thongs made of goat-hide, and substituted Valentine’s Day in its place.

Go figure, right? I mean, come on. Which would you rather have, a city full of crazy naked youths running around smacking people with thongs, or a dopey card with a heart on it? Uh-huh. You got that right.

Be that as it may, Lupercalia is gone, Valentine’s Day is here, and no matter what your romantic situation is, you’re undoubtedly going to need a drink. Here are five suggestions to match some possible Valentine’s Day activities.

Eating Raw Oysters with Hot Person You Just Started Dating
Well, we all know what oysters supposedly do (and no, the answer is not “filter algae and other goop from the water by sucking it through their internal gills”). So if you’re eating oysters on Valentine’s Day, then you’re going to want a wine that (a) goes well with them and (b) isn’t too heavy or alcoholic, because, well, you know. The answer is minerally, crisp Muscadet, from France’s Loire Valley, and producers to seek out include Luneau-Papin, Domaine de la Pépière, Domaine de la Louvetrie and Domaine de l’Ecu.

Hanging Out with Unattached Friends Discussing How Much Valentine’s Day Sucks
You might as well have a cocktail. Or three. Personally, I think the Old Pal - a pre-Prohibition drink from New Orleans, somewhat reminiscent of a Manhattan - is apropos for this particular situation. It’s simple: 1 1/2 ounces rye (Bulleit is mighty good), 3/4 ounce Campari, 3/4 ounce dry Vermouth, stir with ice in a cocktail shaker until it's as cold as your love life, pour into a chilled cocktail glass and garnish with a twist. It’s a drink with a nice bitter edge to it. Not that you’re bitter about anything, right?

Popping the Question
So there are three possible Valentine’s Day “Will you marry me?” scenarios. One, someone is expecting to be asked, and the other person in the equation doesn’t follow through. Not good. Two, someone asks, and the other person turns them down. Even worse. Three, someone asks, and the other person says yes. Winner winner chicken dinner, kid. For this, you need Champagne - good Champagne. Rosé has a nice vibe, and its lush depth of flavor feels romantic in and of itself. Ruinart’s Brut Rosé (about $65) is superb, as is Charles Heidsieck’s Rosé Reserve (also about $65). If you want to go wild, there are few things more pleasurable to drink on this earth than Krug Rosé (about $290).

Having Perfectly Happy Date Involving One Fish Entrée and One Meat Entrée
First up, there is no rule saying you can’t drink red with fish or white with meat (Old white Burgundy and grilled lamb? Insanely great). But it is a date and you do sort of want to share, so why not pick something adaptable?

Cru Beaujolais is a fine choice, such as Chateau Thivin’s 2010 Côte de Brouilly, which somehow recalls ripe blueberries, or the 2010 Georges Duboeuf Fleurie, which is more along strawberry/raspberry lines. Frappato, a floral, light-bodied grape variety from Sicily, is also a good choice - try the 2010 Valle dell’Acate Il Frappato, the 2010 COS Frappato, or the 2010 Tami Frappato from the talented young winemaker Arianna Occhipinti.

Doing Laundry By Yourself
Really? On Valentine’s Day? Wow. of milk?

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Filed under: Bite • Content Partner • Dating • Food and Wine • Holidays • Sip • Valentine's Day • Wine

soundoff (11 Responses)
  1. Beefburger

    It isn't "boxed wine" it is "Cardboardauex".

    February 15, 2013 at 7:22 am |
  2. Beefburger

    "..shaggy thongs made of goat-hide" These were called "febru", hence the month of February. True story.

    February 15, 2013 at 7:20 am |
  3. t3chsupport

    I will take your fanciest box of wine, please.

    February 11, 2012 at 5:18 pm |
    • sugarmomma1

      That would be called Franzia, that very tasty chillable red that I buy from Walmart. Sounds fancy with a touch of French/Italian. Five liters. I do poke my little finger out when I'm drinking it out of my styrofoam cup. :)

      February 13, 2012 at 2:58 pm |
  4. Diane

    I loved the article, well-written with some humor and I learned something about wine, that it can compliment the occasion.

    February 10, 2012 at 7:03 pm |
  5. JJ

    Valentine's Day is lame

    February 10, 2012 at 6:13 pm |
  6. Jennifer

    Glass of milk for me.

    *forever alone*

    February 10, 2012 at 3:57 pm |
    • JenniferUCD

      Awww. Just put a shot of amaretto liqueur into your milk and pour it over ice. That'll help you forget all about the lousy day.

      February 11, 2012 at 2:03 pm |
  7. Queen of Everything from the Castle

    Nothing says "I love you" like getting smacked with a goat hide thong.

    February 10, 2012 at 1:08 pm |
  8. AleeD®

    "Doing Laundry By Yourself, Really? On Valentine’s Day? Wow. of milk?"

    I laughed at that 'til I remembered that was me many years ago. Then I laughed harder. In the immortal words of Chris Tucker, "Aw HE LL nah." You do your laundry drinking Purple Passions on Cupid's Day.

    Dump one can of frozen grape juice concentrate into a plastic container. Use one that has a seal-able lid for traveling purposes). Using various amounts of your favorite vodka, rinse out the cardboard concentrate container into your plastic "pitcher," then fill the rest of the pitcher with vodka. Stir 'til the frozen concentrate has melted. Gather up your laundry, soap, dryer sheets and have a ball of a Valentine's Day!!

    Just make sure to keep track of which machines you were using.

    February 10, 2012 at 12:57 pm |
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