5@5 - Nadia Giosia
November 12th, 2010
05:00 PM ET
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5@5 is a daily, food-related list from chefs, writers, political pundits, musicians, actors, and all manner of opinionated people from around the globe.

If "breaking up is hard to do" and "a way to a man's heart is through his stomach," why not find equilibrium by breaking up while breaking bread?

Nadia Giosia, or Nadia G. for short, is host of the new Cooking Channel series "Bitchin’ Kitchen." In each episode of her comedy-cooking show, she provides recipes to fill the bill for whatever life throws at us, from meeting the in-laws to coping with hangovers to calling it Splitsville.

As Nadia puts it: "It's the last supper, and it ain't the King James Version."

Five Tips for a Break-up Meal: Nadia Giosia

1. To Cook or Not to Cook, that is the question
"When it comes to break-up meals, the first thing to do is gauge whether your-soon-to-be-ex is worth a parting dinner in the first place: If the dumpee is a jerk, then an e-mail with a picture of food is sufficient. But if you spent quality time with that person (or they owe you money), a break-up meal will help soften the blow (and allow you to collect.) Kidding aside, it's important to leave them with a good taste in their mouth. Remember, you once cared for them, but more importantly... they know your secrets and probably got them on tape. As the old Italian saying goes: 'Revenge is a dish best served on YouTube,' so let's get cooking."

2. Keep it light
"The golden rule when it comes to a break-up meal is to keep it light. See, heavy meals makes us lethargic: 'one more night' turns into a week, a week into a year, and before you know it you've lost control of your life, and the remote. Ask yourself: Is that creamy mac n' cheese loaded with crisp pancetta and sweet caramelized onions really worth it? Maybe ... but I digress. The idea here is to get them out, not passed-out on your couch. A nice Splittsville Fig and Pesto Salad or my Candied Pecan and Strawberry Salad will do the trick."

3. Keep it friendly
"You don't want to give them the wrong impression by inviting them over for a five-course extravaganza. Choose simple and friendly dishes like Thai-Italian Spring Rolls, or my Hawaiian Burgers loaded with caramelized pineapple, crispy bacon and chipotle mayo. Cam an, who can cause a scene when they're presented with a designer burger? ...Vegans maybe. Bah, you can't please everyone."

4. Spell it out
"So you gave them the whole 'It's not me, it's you' talk and they still don't get it? Sometimes you just gotta spell it out loud and clear, and that's where my Peanut Butter Banana Fritters come in. Nothing says 'it's over' like a fritter that says 'It's Over' in chocolate sauce. Get creative with your message! You can go for something hopeful, like: 'Maybe someday you'll meet someone ... who's actually attracted to you.' Or opt for something honest, like: 'Ciao, your band sucked anyways.' It's all about options."

5. Presentation is everything
"Breaking up is never easy, that's why most people get married! But that doesn't mean you can't lighten the mood by having some fun with presentation: For thematic pizzazz, serve the meal in fast-food containers, cute brown paper lunch bags or my personal favorite: Chinese take-out cartons. They whisper, 'I'm playful... now get the f@#$ out.'"

Have you ever been dumped or dumped someone over a meal? Was it appropriate? If you're so inclined, share your story in the comments.

Is there someone you'd like to see in the hot seat? Let us know in the comments below and if we agree, we'll do our best to chase 'em down.

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Filed under: 5@5 • Television • Think

soundoff (127 Responses)
  1. BoganJoe

    voice like nails on a chalkboarrd

    November 23, 2010 at 3:58 am |
  2. Nadia G

    Geez, you'd think that most people would know that a 'Break-Up Meal' is best enjoyed with a grain of fleur de sel, hehe. (For all the 1-handed typers out there, this means: Don't... take... it... too... seriously...) Bah, we'll grow on ya. Whiners - this one's for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RAQXg0IdfI XONG

    November 18, 2010 at 12:48 pm |
  3. Mok

    Yeah, because everyone who breaks up has a nice little last meal together before shoving off..."hey how about one last snog and then I'll be off..."
    Silly journalism

    November 15, 2010 at 11:03 am |
  4. DonJ

    Does anyone REALLY think Nadia here can even boil a pot of water? I was going to say boil a hot dog, I’m pretty sure she can do that… when I look at this woman food is the last thing I’m thinking about is cooking or food. I could be wrong but… the REAL Nadia (Go Easy) Goisia is probably some 88 year old babushka that looks like the Queen of England.

    November 15, 2010 at 11:01 am |
  5. Jake Rockwel

    Weak... You want to break up with someone and you honestly think they will eat? "cute brown paper lunch bags or my personal favorite: Chinese take-out cartons. They whisper, 'I'm playful... now get the f@#$ out." Thats keeping it friendly? How conceded coul the auther be?

    How about this Nadia... You get fired over dinner? But your boss keeps it playful with some brown paper bags. What an Idiot.

    November 15, 2010 at 10:41 am |
  6. Olive Blackok

    Crappiest show on TV.Canada should be ashamed of itself because I know you have funny people up there.

    BK lacks just about everything a show can lack. Her supporting characters are simply morons. Who was so hard up to let this show on the air ?
    Just love how Nadia's Facebook buddies astroturf just about anywhere their doyenne gets a mention.What a bunch of sheep.

    November 15, 2010 at 10:35 am |
  7. sanjeev

    best way is to not quit anything cold turkey. in case of quitting relationships, just say you want to break up, but for next month or so, are still open to sleep with your soon to be ex.

    November 13, 2010 at 9:47 pm |
  8. norm.c62

    I didn't find this article humourous or useful in the least. And Nadia looks too.... "constructed". I'll pass on that, thanks.

    November 13, 2010 at 12:16 pm |
  9. phoenix

    she s got the weirdest sexiest eyes beautiful is as beautiful does

    November 13, 2010 at 11:26 am |
    • DonJ

      you've been on the internets too long!

      November 15, 2010 at 11:33 am |
  10. Mike

    I'm pretty sure that if a girl is breaking up with me, I don't want to eat a meal she made. B*tch would probably poison me. I might even deserve it.

    November 13, 2010 at 11:25 am |
  11. kIETH

    mY GIRLFREIND INVITED ME OVER SHE MADE ME LUNCH served it to me on a tray i thought to myself "nice" we started to make out i thought this was so cool my girlfreind is making me food then bammmm she broke up with me i left started crying got on the 5 train and went home...I never saw or talked to her again?

    November 13, 2010 at 11:13 am |
    • Greggy V


      November 13, 2010 at 11:20 am |
    • Mok

      What was his name?

      November 15, 2010 at 11:05 am |
  12. liz

    who's gonna do all that work for cryin out loud; just do like my last whatever did; email me

    November 13, 2010 at 11:09 am |
  13. Sallys

    You people never heard of this show? Don't you have TV's? I like her cooking show, not the same old things.

    November 13, 2010 at 10:55 am |
    • Cole

      I've never even watched an episode of glee. So, while there's access, there's also a lack of desire. Same here. The Cooking Channel just isn't very good overall, and I only watch a couple of hours of TV a week (outside of sports), so programs like this one gets lost in the mix.

      That said, articles like this one does raise some intrigue, since she brings a lot of wit. So, I'll probably catch it whenever. But, I'm keeping expectations low. I like some of her recipes, but she makes a lot of basic mistakes with some of them, like the burger I mentioned before. Adding pineapple to something doesn't make it "Hawaiian." Make the pattie a combination of beef and pork, use SPAM instead of bacon, a poi-based sauce instead of mayo, and then we'll talk about being Hawaiian. That's not even mentioning the basic mistakes, such as salting the meat early, shaping/pressing it too much, wasting bacon fat (If bacon and burger are together, always cook the bacon first and then cook the burger in the remaining fat!) and using acids that will overwhelm a lot of the ingredients.

      November 13, 2010 at 3:20 pm |
  14. Forrest

    I would HATE to get served a break-up dinner. It's disingenuous, and it drags out the inevitable. If my partner realizes they no longer want to be with me, they had better tell me outright. I hate being led-on, or wasting my time with someone who is about to dump me.

    November 13, 2010 at 10:51 am |
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