How to make a meat head
October 28th, 2010
10:00 AM ET
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I cannot pretend that this project is in any way moral, sane or defensible. I know only that to bear a cold cut bedecked skull upon a platter into the midst of a Dionysian-frenzied crowd of Halloween revelers chanting "Meat head. Meat Head. MEAT! HEAD!" is to know what it is to touch the face of an angel.

Here's how to make your own.

– 1 plastic skull
– 1 box of red or green gelatin
– Cream cheese (optional)
– Food coloring (optional)
– Plastic wrap
– 1-2 cookie sheets
– 1 1/2 pounds thinly-sliced cold cuts
– 1 hard boiled egg
– Olives or cocktail onions
– Toothpicks

1. Wash a plastic skull. If it isn't labeled as food safe, wrap it tightly in plastic wrap. Place this on the most opulent platter you possess.

2. Prepare a batch of gelatin, using half the amount of water suggested. Pour this onto a plastic wrap-lined cookie sheet to a depth of 1/4 inch, chill and let it congeal. Use a red-colored flavor for a gory look, or green if you should care to add an alien undertone to the festivities.

3. When the gelatin has set to a rubbery consistency, slice it into swatches and mold these around the skull. It may not be possible to thoroughly cover the entire head. This is okay. You will live - but he won't. Muahahahahahaha! You may also opt to augment coverage with cream cheese, stirred with the food coloring of your choice.

4. Layer the entire surface with thin slices of cold cuts. Deli ham (as pictured in my 1999 rendition above) can provide a smooth, only mildly-revolting skin, but salami and mortadella evoke a delightful soupçon of postmortem putrefaction.

5. Halve a hard boiled egg, then halve the yolk and press sides into the eye sockets. Pimento-stuffed olives or pickled cocktail onions make delightfully disturbing pupils. If you should care to amp the hue with beet juice or red food coloring, who in the world would stop you?

6. Augment the presentation by decking the platter with cooked, sauced spaghetti, meat scraps, pimento-topped hummus - however the spirit moves you.

7. Lower the lights, clear a space on the buffet table, and select thematically appropriate music for your ascension into Halloween host immortality as you introduce Meat Head to his adoring new fans.

Serve with forks and crackers. Most guests, by then whipped into a state of meat-adoring ecstasy, will simply lunge at Meat Head with their fingers, clawing off his flesh and stuffing it into their gaping maws, but you yourself may wish to maintain a sense of decorum. You're not a savage, after all.

My first Meat Head construction in 1999 was inspired by the mad geniuses at MIT, and in 2010, we were dazzled by the creativity of the good folks of iReport and Geek Out! Read: Sink your teeth into creepy, gory Halloween eats

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Filed under: Halloween • Halloween • Holiday • Make • Recipes

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soundoff (86 Responses)
  1. Cat

    Do you think this should be on the homepage considering the headlines? #insensitive

    October 31, 2013 at 3:00 am |
    • Dog

      Oversensitive pansy. Grrrr.

      November 1, 2013 at 6:43 am |
  2. Jdizzle McHammerpants ♫♫


    October 30, 2013 at 3:29 pm |
  3. d.j.


    October 31, 2010 at 11:40 am |
  4. Dave

    Hey, let's take the flesh of slaughtered animals, fashion it into the form of a human skull, and feast on it while celebrating some random holiday where we dress up like idiots and send our kids to get candy from strangers. Cause that's not f***ed up.

    October 31, 2010 at 3:17 am |
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